


Joke Me Something Awful Just Like Kisses

by miss_music666 (orphan_account)



Series: Watching Robins and Bats [3]
Category: DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-23
Updated: 2011-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-15 21:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/miss_music666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kon comes to visit Tim. Tim is surprised by Kon’s douchey-ness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joke Me Something Awful Just Like Kisses

It happened a long time ago. A really long time ago. Back when Kon still had that stupid, fake gold hoop earring, and that dumb haircut, and Tim kind of had the biggest crush on him.

So really, a long time ago.

But Tim never forgot one second of it.

※

It was the first time Bruce had allowed Kon in the mansion. Bruce was still unsure that Kon wasn’t some _implant_ from Luthor, planning on taking over Wayne Enterprises by _talking_ to the CEO’s adoptive son. Bruce is a bit paranoid, as Dick has always said, especially when it came to his boys.

But Tim had been living there for a whole year, and Kon (and Bart, but Bart’s always been allowed in, because he’s Wally’s cousin, and Dick and Wally are best friends) is his only friend, his best friend, that has to deal with this insane community Bruce has built around himself (Well, yes, Bart is part of it, but he doesn’t realize how batshit crazy everyone is, because his parents are even more protective than Bruce is). Dick (who’s on break from touring) drives him to the airport, and made Jason sit in the back (Jason bitched the whole way there, and Dick didn’t say anything because of Jason’s gaunt face and the white bandages still wrapped around Jason’s wrists), because Tim would be sitting in the back on the way home.

When they finally get to the airport, they see Clark before they see Kon. Tim didn’t know Clark was coming.

“Clark! What are you doing here, I thought we were picking up Kon?” Dick asked, as Tim wraps Kon in a hug. It doesn’t last long, because Kon discreetly pushed Tim off. Tim let it go, but planned to ask about it later.

“You are picking up Conner, I’m waiting for a connecting flight to London. Lois and I…” Tim stopped listening to the adult talk, and turned back to Kon.

Kon, who’s standing there with _Jason_ , palling around with _Jason_ , and Tim couldn’t give him their ordinary _hug_.

Oh there would be _hell_ to play.

※

“Dude, only fags hug each other, hell, touch each other besides bro stuff, ya’know?” Kon replied, a safe distance away. Had it been a few months ago, Tim and Kon would have both been sitting on Kon’s full sized bed in the apartment Luthor set up for him in Metropolis, but as it was, Tim was sitting on his bed and Kon was sitting across the room in Tim’s metal papasan chair.

“No, Dick and Roy hug, like, every other time I see them!” Tim replies. Dick is the epitome of straight, only spectacularly straight people could date girls like Kory Anders.

Kon gives him a look like he belongs in the abandoned asylum outside of the City. “Tim. Timmy-Boy, my poor child. Dick and Roy have been boinking since they were our age.” Kon seemed to think of something and blushed, turned the papasan back to the paused video game.

“No, they haven’t! Dick has had girlfriends! Like lots of girlfriends! He’s a serial monogamist! If he had dated Roy, I would know! I spent half of my childhood sneakily stalking him at Wayne Foundation dinners!” Tim exclaimed, pulling the cordless controller out of Kon’s long fingered hands. How was Kon only a year older, but about eight inches taller than Tim? “And he wouldn’t have cheated on any of his harem! He thinks that adulterers deserve to be castrated!”

Kon’s eyebrows jumped. “You stalked him?”

Tim realized what he slipped and blushed, “Wha-I-No! No! It was-I just…”

“Whatever, dude, Bart told me, and Wally let it slip to him, and if anyone would know it’d be the third in their little ménage à trois,” Kon rolled his eyes, willingly touching Tim for the first time by grabbing at the controller. But Bruce wasn’t just paranoid about security cameras and fifteen-year-old spies, all three of his boys had self defense training (Tim excelled the most in the martial arts, as Jason fought dirty, and Dick tended to fall back to cheap theatrics to avoid confrontation, “you can take the boy out of the circus, but you can’t take the circus out of the boy,” he always said, smile wide on his dumb little face), so Kon wasn’t getting the controller back without using his brute force, and sensing his attitude towards touch lately, that wasn’t likely.

Tim’s eyes bugged out, “You mean Wally, too?”

Kon looked confused for a second, the shook his head vehemently, “Dude not like that! I mean the image of _Dick_ and _Roy_ is bad enough, but adding in Wally is too much ginger!” It was Tim’s turn to roll his eyes. He tossed Kon’s controller back to him, and sat in the adjacent papasan. “Besides, Wally is, like, the only completely heterosexual guy that you Gothamite freaks _have_ in this little universe that seems to orbit you!”

“Lord. Dick and Roy, huh?”

Kon nodded solemnly. “And Dick and Garth, and Dick and Gar, and Dick and Clark.” Kon seemed to bite his tongue at something, and Tim was grateful, this was too much to know as it was.

“ _CLARK!? WHAT!?_ ” And Tim was intensely grateful the walls were soundproof. Apparently the room next door actually was a harem.

Kon nodded his head again. “Yep. A few months ago, when Dick and Bruce got in that fight, and Dick went to stay in Metropolis, with Clark. They got drunk one night and...yeah,” Kon takes a gulp of the diet grape Zesti, “That’s how Kara tells it anyway. She woke them up the next morning, and they were naked as the day they were born.”

Tim stared at Kon’s throat as he swallowed another sip. (Well gulp, what Kon did while drinking could never be put as delicately as a sip.)

“Kon. You know what I don’t get? How Dick, socially awkward, laughs at jokes about his name, couldn’t take a heart attack seriously, thinks walking is for lame people, _Dick Grayson_. Has had _sex_ with all these people, and he’s only eighteen. Only _four_ years older than me, and I’ve never _kissed_ anyone. _Anyone_!”

Kon looked at him for a long minute, then suddenly his chin quivered, then the corner of his eye, then the opposite corner of his lip, then he was smiling like it was going out of fashion. “You’ve never kissed _anyone_?” Kon sounded like he was going to laugh.

Tim scowled, and pulled his hood lower over his eyes. He shouldn’t be hurt, this was entirely in character for Kon, who, on the best of occasions was tactless, on the worse, wouldn’t understand why you were upset your dad died. It’s how it is when you’re raised for thirteen years by a Luthor. Tim was more hurt that he had expected Kon not to laugh. “No. I haven’t.”

“Sorry, dude, it’s just I have a standing bet that you’ll be kissed before Bart.” Except Kon was lying. Tim knew his lying voice, it was the one he used on Clark when Clark asked if he’d been watching porn again or if he had detention.

“A bet?”

“Yeah, dude, it’s not money, either, it’s kissing Cassie, and you know how Diana and Donna are so damn protective of Cassie.”

Tim rolled his eyes. The problem in that logic (or genius, from Bart’s point of view) is that Diana and Donna think Bart is adorable and hate Kon’s guts, so either way, Bart wins.

“I don’t know why you’d put your bet on me, it’s not like I’m rolling in girls!”

Kon rolled his eyes, “Yeah, but Bart is, well, Bart!” He scratched his chin, which had a few pathetic whiskers that he insisted would be a goatee, soon, and refused to shave off. “But seriously, not even a mishap beneath mistletoe?”

“Well, whatever, I just- I don’t get what the big deal is!” Tim confessed, crossing his arms and pulling his legs up, so his feet were braced on the edge of the papasan.

Kon smiled, the first time since he’d arrived. “Dude, only people who have never kissed anyone say that. Once you’ve kissed someone, you’ll get why.”

Tim frowned, and pursed his lip. “So, you’ve kissed someone?” Of course Kon had kissed someone, he was gorgeous, all tan and strong muscles, blue eyes and wide lips, long legs and broad shoulders. He moved his gaze down to hands, worrying a hole in the spot just above the knee of his pants.

“Dude, yeah. Like I didn’t make out with Tam before Luthor tore me away from Hawaii.” Kon scratched the back of his head. “And I maybe kissed this boy that lives at the farm next to the Kents.”

Tim jerked his head up so fast he might have given himself whiplash. The hope that sparked a flame in his heart flickered into existence. “A boy? But what about ‘only gays hug each other, hell, touch each other besides bro stuff, ya’know?’” Tim mimicked with his creepy accuracy.

“I-” Kon rubbed at one of his eyes with two fingers.

“Dude, you wouldn’t hug me!”

Kon looked distinctly guilty for a second, before muttering, “I may have been overcompensating.”

“Dude!”

“Okay, so I definitely was, but this is still new to me!” Kon threw his hands into the air, then settled one into his hair, which scratched at the nape of his neck. “I mean, Matt just like, kissed me. Outta no where, and I liked it, but I’m straight, ya’know, and-and. I dunno if it’s _boys_ or just this _one_ boy, ya’know?”

Tim bit his lip, thinking for a second. “Well, maybe I have a way to fix both our problems.”

Kon furrowed his brow for a second. The moment he realized, was like he’d been gobsmacked with a fish, mouth falling open, eyes opening dramatically wide. “What?! Dude, we’re friends, and friends don’t do that unless they don’t want to be friends, because it does nothing but fuck everything up. Unless it works out in the long run, and dude, you’re fourteen and never kissed anyone before, it won’t work out, and I kinda love you in a bro way and don’t want to risk this in any way other than maybe telling you how batshit crazy ass your family is, because fuck they are! I mean what the hell happened with Jason anyways, and Dick has more Daddy issues than I do, and I maybe shouldn’t have said that but I don’t even think you understand what I’m saying right now, so it doesn’t even matter, and I’m rambling to myself, but if I don’t ramble to myself, I might let you kiss me, which would be worse, so not gonna happen, because like I said, there are good risks and bad risks, which _hey_ , kissing probably isn’t a good one at our age and-”

Tim kissed him. Well, leaped at his face, but still, lips touched lips. He was actually very grateful for the eight inches and fifty-somewhat pounds Kon had on him, otherwise the papasan would have fallen over backwards. He framed Kon’s face with his hands, and Kon picked him up by his thighs, going over to the bed and plopping him down. As Tim bounced on the bed and looked up at Kon’s flushed face, he realized he’d never been so turned on in his life.

Kon turned and fell to the floor, his head rested next to Tim’s knee and his hands coming up to rest behind his head. Tim’s own hands were in his lap, itching to run his hands through Kon’s bad “retro” ‘90s haircut.

“I don’t get why this whole ‘gay’ thing bothers you so much.” Tim said, the boner in his lap wanted attention, but Kon seemed content in just the one, wonderful, perfect kiss.

Kon furrowed his brow. “I’m not gay. Bisexual with mostly female leanings, a one on the Kinsey Scale. Maybe a two.”

“But still, you were really upset. You wouldn’t let me _hug_ you.” In the Land of Tim, a hug was to be treasured, that’s what Kon had said last month in Metropolis, because in the Land of Tim, touching was up there with plague and disease, something to be avoided at all cost.

“Well, Tim, you’re not part of that incidental homosexual behavior, you’re my best friend, our relationship is completely platonic.” Kon said, sitting, legs splayed in front of him on the floor. Tim looked down at his hands in his lap and thought about how completely non-platonic his hard on felt. “You’re this innocent little dude in my eyes and I’m still a bit weirded out that I’m bisexual. I just. I’ve been a bitch. So, can we redo the hug? I need a Tim Hug.” Tim nodded, biting his lip, and Kon jumped up from the floor, tackling Tim to the bed.

It was a good thing Tim could bury his face in Kon’s shoulder for a moment, because even Kon couldn’t overlook the look of pain crossing Tim’s face.

Best friend. Platonic. Innocent. Of course the moment that Tim would realize Kon meant more, more than this dumb little crush in the back of his mind, would be the moment he found out their relationship couldn’t be more.

**Author's Note:**

> edited: 19 August 2011


End file.
